Akiva
I was visiting Jerusalem to see my grandmother, but in the process, my visit stirred up a deep sense of being Jewish and finding a much more extended family and identity. I began to ask, perhaps for the first time in my life, "Just what does it mean to be Jewish?"
When I returned home, my spiritual hunger continued to gnaw at me. I began studying with an Orthodox rabbi and was deeply attracted to the rabbinic life. There was a certain reverence about the rabbi and his teachings, a certain beauty in the traditions and rituals he followed, that brought me closer to the God I was seeking. I was reminded of how I used to feel when I said the Shema at bedtime. Still, something undefinable was missing from my life, something that made me realize that this form of Judaism mastered only the mechanics of religion, and not the relationship I was seeking.
A Road Through Eastern Mysticism
The next step in my search seemed natural: Eastern religions. Soon I was meditating and practicing techniques to alter my consciousness. This seemed to free me to discover God. My soul felt like it was liberated and expanded. I was on the right path at last, or so I thought. Still, something within me kept whispering that what I was doing was only a counterfeit of the reality I was seeking.
I longed to know God and to fulfill the spiritual desires that my visit to Israel had awakened. Daily, I asked God to show me the way. He answered by placing a belief in my heart, like a dim light at the end of a tunnel, that He greatly desired to reveal Himself to me. Somehow I knew that His desire for me far exceeded my desire for Him.
One day I fell on my knees and cried out, "Help me!" I could not even articulate what I wanted help for. I only knew I was lost. During the next week, everywhere I went, people would tell me about Jesus. I began to get the message-loud and clear. When a friend invited me to church, I was eager to go. As soon as I entered, I sensed a sincere presence of God among the people, and started to attend regularly.
Finding the Presence of God
The holiness and love of God were evident in each meeting. His love was almost overwhelming. To my surprise, I discovered dark places within me that shrieked out against the holiness of God. More than once, I was literally compelled to run out of the services when these feelings of struggle and oppression came over me. It was evident that the Eastern religions I had so faithfully followed were not going to release me so easily. One evening, someone spoke about victory in death and how Jesus had conquered our final enemy. I knew this message was for me.
Travelling from Death to Life
Death had always seemed like a dark and evil subject to me, but at that meeting, I saw the miraculous victory of the resurrection of Jesus over death. Jesus conquered this enemy! He arose and can give us new life!
Slowly, I began to find strength to deny these feelings of doubt and darkness. The evidence of His power was staggering! The evidence of His love was overwhelming! I reached out in my heart and said "yes" to God. Over the next month, I struggled with the new life that Jesus offered. I decided that I needed to study the Scriptures.
My studies, as well as several Messianic Jews God brought into my life, helped me recognize that I was in contact with the God of Israel, the God of my fathers for whom I had longed so ardently. My search for God had come full circle!
One day, a friend at the church asked me if I wanted to pray to receive the Lord, which I had already done in my heart. That day, I formally invited Jesus into my heart and life.
That was around 16 years ago now. The peace in my heart-knowing I am forgiven-has accompanied me ever since.
Currently, I am living in Israel and involved in teaching Gentile believers about the Jewish roots of their faith, and helping Israeli believers in Yeshua develop skills to study the Bible.
