Marriage and Family

The family is the most sacred institution in Judaism. Jewish weddings are carried out with the knowledge that the Creator and the Torah are integral parts of the family relationship. The ketuvah (marriage contract) is reminiscent of the Song of Solomon, which is widely held to symbolize the relationship between the Creator and His people Israel. "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28), the first commandment the Creator gave to humanity, is an essential part of the Jewish understanding of family life. It is no accident that Jewish parents are known for the unusual degree to which they treasure their children.

Intermarriage has historically been rare among Jewish people. Among the more Orthodox, this is still the case. But there has been a major upheaval in Jewish demographics in recent years. At the turn of the 20th century, intermarriage between Jews and Gentiles was about two percent. Thirty years ago, it was fifteen percent. Today, about half of Jews marry non-Jewish partners - that is, partners who not only were not born Jewish, but also declined to convert to Judaism.

You may even recognize yourself in this familiar scenario: two young people fall in love - one Jewish, the other not. Neither of them has a strong attachment to any religious tradition or belief. Since no one else in either family seems to mind very much (besides an occasional grandparent), the couple overlooks the seemingly insignificant matter of religious affiliation. For a while, the marriage goes well.

Sooner or later, along come children. Mama and Papa have matured somewhat, and perhaps for the first time they ask the question, "How will we raise the children?" For some reason, this formerly "insignificant" matter has now grown into an issue of major importance. The options boil down to four: his religion; her religion; no religion at all; or else some unknown, yet-to-be-discovered alternative.

Many consider no religious affiliation at all to be an attractive choice. It removes the burden of making a decision and avoids a potentially costly conflict. "Let the children make up their own minds," is the comforting slogan many parents fall back on as they follow the path of least resistance. The only problem is that no choice is, in fact, a choice.

Parents who think they are "respecting their children's freedom" by withholding religious training are deluding themselves. An absence of religious training is every bit as much a statement of faith as is any other upbringing - only the faith being taught to children in this instance is a vacuum rather than a Presence.

What about the other choices? His faith or hers? It is a funny quirk of human nature, but have you ever noticed how something you have never valued suddenly becomes valuable when you are asked to give it up? Many parents are simply unwilling to make the sacrifice of abandoning even the slightest religious upbringing, for reasons they would be hard-pressed to explain.

There is a better way. When parents become aware of spiritual need, they may soon recognize that it exists not only in their children's lives, but also in their own. Where can a Jewish and non-Jewish married couple find a spiritual home together that allows each to retain what has suddenly become more precious to them?

An intermarriage between a Jew and a Gentile can find unity in the message of the Bible, which says that a Jewish Messiah would one day come to bind Jew and Gentile together.

The profound truth is that God's promise of the Jewish Messiah, foretold in the prophetic writings of the Hebrew Scriptures, is fulfilled in the writings of the New Testament.

When Jewish and non-Jewish spouses thoughtfully and prayerfully examine the claims of the Bible as they relate to Jesus, the Jewish people, and all of humanity, they find something that neither expected. They find a way of understanding themselves that both affirms whichever background they come from and takes them on new ground together.

In this way, an interfaith marriage that began with no particular faith at all becomes a marriage of one true faith, in which the lives of parents and children are transformed by the loving presence of God.

Read more about intermarriage:

Joined Together?

Joined Together? is a 45-minute documentary featuring four interfaith married couples who share their discovery that faith in the Jewish Messiah can bring a dynamic and joy-filled basis to their marriage. Holidays can be a time of meaning and unity instead of indecision and tension. Growing numbers of intermarried Jews and non-Jews have discovered that knowing Yeshua (Jesus' Hebrew name) is the key to building that longed for and lasting bond of unity.

Buy Joined Together? on DVD or VHS.